Why is that sometimes even if our gut tells us otherwise, we still go ahead blinded by love and against all odds?!
My best friend, Rashmi tells me that I always knew N was going to leave me….but, yet, I stuck through him through his ups and downs, through joys and sorrows, through feelings of happiness and sadness, through laughter and tears, through success and failure, through being rich and being penniless, through being confident and being insecure…and, yet he left me!
I spent more than a year getting to know him… Spending time with him… understanding him… being patient with him… being tolerant with him…..loving him… nurturing him… throwing all the love one person can feel for another at him… I was happy! I believed he was happy! And, yet in a matter of hours it’s over….
I opened my heart, my mind, my soul, my body, my home, my friends, my family to him and yet he walked away…
I knew in my gut may be he will leave me..and yet, I believed in my heart he would stay! I believed he would not walk away..I trusted him..I had faith in him..but, he in the end, he disappointed me.
I told him so many times over the year what I wanted out of our relationship and if when he always said, his life was his mother’s, I thought may be, he will grow out of it and fight for what he wants, what makes him happy..but, it was all a lie. I told him to leave me then, and yet he kept coming back. He brought me so much happiness only to shatter it so quickly with such insensitivity almost making me feel like I am incapable of giving myself to anyone else.
I told him over and over again, I can’t take another disappointment in my life and yet, he took it for granted. How easily, he brushed it away and said, “ It’s just a phase you will get over it” and he walked away…
May be my gut was telling me all along, he is not going to stand for you, he is not going to fight for you, he is too weak to do so… and yet, I loved him so much, I gave everything I had to him….. and even then he said heartlessly, “This was meant to happen!” How easily can someone say something like that!
And, now my gut says, “You are worth so much more! You deserve man who will love you and stand by you inspite of all odds” And this time, I choose to go with my gut!